I like summer. I always have. Quite a lot of people do. In the crowd of people who like summer, I am on the “insane fan-boy” end of the spectrum. There are many strange and complex reasons why, but thats not what this is about. This is about what I am actually going to be doing this summer – or to be more accurate, what I am waiting to do once summer is over. I am going to be going back to college. This is not news, but it is a set-down date, and something that I have been planning towards for a while now, right down to making budgets of how much money I need to earn to be able to pay for it, and how many spirit-crushing dinner shifts I will need to work to make it possible for me to throw myself back into education. I am pretty confident the water isn’t over my head on the practical preparation side of things – at my head, maybe, but at least I can breathe without needing a bamboo reed (though any further additions to the I’m-hiding-from-real-life fund are always appreciated).
Now that I am, tentatively, set in terms of what will be happening from the back end of September onwards, I’m quite keen to get started, partly so that I am able to avoid the late August panic and over-thinking which is by this point in my life a routine part of the year. But while I want September to get here, I also want to have a summer, and be able to enjoy it (while sticking to my brilliant money earning schemes). I’ve been that focused on what will be happening at the end of the summer that I have done a solid job totally ignoring the chance of having any kind of a life. There are also some at least reasonably important decisions to be made. Among them are:
- Do me and Erykah commit to at least another 12 months in our current place? (If we do stay then I may also need to make sure I find someone to rent my dad’s place so that my stepsister doesn’t move there – and yes, I am just that petty)
- Should I try to find something more accurately fitting the description of ‘proper job’ or continue with what I have now, as I know that I will be able to fit it around my college commitments come the autumn? If I do stick with what I have, I certainly need to invest in some new work clothes – this is entirely for vanity, I’m tired of wearing things that make me look like I borrowed clothes off someone bigger than me. Seriously, I look and feel more than a little silly – which is an achievement when dressed all in black.
I’m sure you will agree, these are not exactly uncommon points. But they are points that I have neglected, through laziness, desire to avoid having to make a decision, wanting to continue to see that girl I met at work who I kinda like but blah blah blah. Every cliché in the book.
Then there is the insightful and awkwardly accurate comment from a relative of mine that I seem to be lonely, and spend an awful lot of my time alone, or only interacting with people through my computer. This is true, and much more of a reality than I have ever really wanted to admit. It isn’t really a pleasant experience noticing that a fairly off-hand comment in a conversation forces you to pay attention to the elephant quietly snacking on peanuts in the corner of the room, even though you are so aware of its presence that peanuts have been factored into your food budget. Pushed the image a little far, but I think you get my point. Especially since it has been that long since I had a proper social life, where things were not all planned out in advance and put in Facebook events to which I was then invited, that I do not really know how it all works. So, real-world friends, at some point can you explain how real friendships work, how their social interactions are observed, then shall we go do some of them?
So what am I going to do for summer? I’m going to try and actually live it, and when September arrives, then I will start to think about how the next chapter will pan out.